What Your Bones Know: How to Heal Complex Trauma and CPTSD

Healing is a journey, not a destination, and it involves weaving together different threads of support. Through the power of relationships, play, community, and therapy, it’s possible to heal complex trauma (CPTSD).

Complex trauma (CPTSD) arises from repeated or prolonged exposure to harmful experiences, often from childhood. Its effects can be far-reaching. 

Powerful memoirs, like What My Bones Know by Stephanie Foo, are shedding light on complex trauma, an often misunderstood condition. These personal stories not only empower individuals on their healing journeys, but also bring much-needed awareness to the conversation about mental health.

Know that there is hope. This blog post will explore the path toward complex trauma recovery, offering insights from the perspective of a holistic trauma therapist.

CPTSD vs. PTSD… what’s the difference?

PTSD and complex trauma (CPTSD) are both responses to experiencing traumatic events, but CPTSD arises from a different kind of trauma. 

PTSD typically results from a single, severe event, such as a car accident, injury, or act of violence. Those with PTSD may have intensely distressing thoughts and feelings related to the experience, which can include flashbacks, nightmares, and severe anxiety. They may also avoid situations or reminders of the trauma, making it difficult to live a full life. 

CPTSD, on the other hand, stems from repeated or prolonged exposure to harmful experiences, such as abuse, neglect, and systemic oppression. This can lead to additional symptoms beyond those of PTSD, such as difficulty regulating emotions, feeling disconnected from oneself, and struggling with relationships.

Whether you find labels like PTSD or CPTSD helpful in understanding your experience is entirely up to you.

Some people find these terms validating and clarifying, while others prefer not to use them. It’s important to find what feels right for you. 

With the right support, healing from complex trauma is absolutely possible. Let’s explore 4 powerful tools: relationships, play, community, and therapy.

In the book What My Bones Know, Stephanie Foo explores her journey of healing from CPTSD. It’s a testament to the multifaceted impact of trauma, as well as the profound capacities of the mind, body and spirit.

1. Relationships: The Power of Connection

Complex trauma can deeply impact one’s ability to connect with others. Based on early life experiences, they may have experienced the world as unsafe, or seen that relationships can be harmful or unpredictable. This can lead to difficulties trusting others and fear of intimacy.

But there’s a powerful counterpoint to this cycle. Humans are wired for connection. We’re social creatures who not only crave healthy relationships, but biologically depend on them.

Through a process called co-regulation, our nervous systems actually interact and attune to each other, like instruments in an orchestra.

When we connect with safe and supportive people, their calm and regulated nervous system can help soothe our own. This positive interaction can literally rewire our brains, promoting feelings of safety and security. 

Healing from complex trauma is about rebuilding the capacity for healthy, supportive relationships.

TIPS FOR RELATIONSHIPS

• Relationships can take many forms. Explore your connection with plants and animals. Maybe nature feels like a secure home base for you.

• Be patient with yourself and start small. Begin by connecting with trusted individuals, like a therapist, mentor, or compassionate friend.

• Join a club, class, or meetup for an interest you enjoy. You’ll naturally start to cultivate relationships with like-minded people.

2. Play: Reclaiming Joy

Many complex trauma survivors never had the chance to experience a truly safe and nurturing childhood. Even if their upbringing seemed “not that bad” or even idyllic on the surface, they may grapple with a unique kind of grief.

Maybe their emotions were dismissed, their boundaries ignored, or their voices silenced. This lack of a secure foundation can have negative impacts on their health (emotional, physical, and spiritual).

That’s why, as adults, we need to remember to play. Play allows us to feel a sense of joy and sovereignty that may have been disrupted by trauma. It’s an opportunity to express our emotions and reconnect with our inner child.

Play gets our bodies moving and our brains thinking in a different way – promoting pleasure, relaxation, and laughter. It is a vital need, for children and adults alike.

TIPS FOR PLAY

• Check in with your inner child. Was there a favorite game you used to play, or a book you liked to read, as a kid? Or something you wish you could have done – jump on a trampoline, dance in the rain, blow bubbles in the park? Listen to that instinct – and if it feels right, follow it.

• Find micro-moments of joy. Turn up the music and dance while making dinner. Say hi to the squirrel at the park. 

• Approach new experiences with a playful attitude. Take an improv class. Walk around your town as if you’re a tourist seeing it for the first time. Learn 10 new words in a different language. 

3. Community: Being Witnessed

Healing is a journey best undertaken with the support of a community. 

Community can be built around shared interests, identities, and values. The hope is to find a space – or multiple spaces – where you feel seen, heard, and understood.

Perhaps your chosen family emerges from some of these communities. If your family of origin wasn’t a source of comfort or validation, building a chosen family of supportive friends and mentors is crucial. These individuals become your cheerleaders, confidantes, and the witnesses to your healing journey. 

Community takes time to cultivate, so remember to have patience and grace for yourself throughout the process. The seeds you plant will eventually grow roots and deepen into lasting connections.

TIPS FOR COMMUNITY

• Consider what community means to you. How do you want to spend your time, and who do you want to be around? Maybe it’s a book club that holds meaningful conversations; a volunteer organization that speaks to your passion; or a social justice initiative that aligns with your core values. 

• Depending on your identities, you might explore affinity support groups (such as LGBTQ and BIPOC spaces). 

4. Therapy: Healing the Brain & Body

The path to healing may require the guidance of a therapist. 

There are different therapeutic approaches, and it’s important to find one that resonates with you. Some effective options include: 

• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), which helps your brain reprocess distressing memories and release emotional pain from the body 

• IFS (Internal Family Systems), which helps you navigate your inner world and develop self-compassion toward all parts of you

Both EMDR and IFS are somatic therapies, meaning they integrate mind and body into the healing process. This holistic approach is crucial.

These therapies bypass lengthy retellings of the past (which can be unhelpful for individuals with CPTSD), and focus on emotional and somatic processing. Compared to talk therapy, EMDR and IFS allow you to heal from the past and experience lasting relief in a shorter time frame.

If you’re seeking therapy for complex trauma recovery, let’s connect.

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About the Author

I’m Liz Zhou, a holistic trauma therapist (MA, LPCC, she/her). My work integrates teachings from psychology, neurobiology, multicultural awareness, and spirituality. I provide compassionate therapy for highly sensitive people across Colorado.