Unmasking Autism: 6 Common Experiences of Late-Diagnosed Autistic Women
Many women discover their autism later in life. This delayed diagnosis is often due to societal misconceptions, gender bias, and the tendency to mask autistic traits. Let’s explore the common experiences of women who’ve been labeled “quiet,” “shy,” “sensitive,” and “different.”
What is autism, exactly?
Autism is a neurotype, or a type of brain-body system.
According to Embrace Autism (a source of high-quality information on autism, founded by autistic researchers), autism is: “a neurodevelopmental difference characterized by alterations in social functioning, hypersensitivity to stimuli, repetitive behaviors, and deep interests—often combined with advanced cognitive & perceptive abilities.”
Autism can encompass a wide range of traits, including: preferences for routines & familiarity, monotropism (tendency to focus strongly on a small number of things at a time), sensory sensitivities, a natural tendency to recognize patterns & systems, difficulties with task-switching, social differences, and differences in processing speed.
—>> To learn more about autistic traits & identity, check out this blog post: Autistic Person” vs “Person with Autism”: What’s the Difference?
What does “late-diagnosed autism” mean?
The term “late-diagnosed” refers to someone who received a diagnosis later in life, typically after their childhood years. This can happen for various reasons, including societal misconceptions about autism, gender bias in diagnosis, lack of access to autism evaluations, and the ability of some individuals to mask their autistic traits.
There are two primary ways individuals can become aware of their autism:
(1) Formal Diagnosis
This involves a comprehensive evaluation by a qualified mental health professional.
(2) Self-Diagnosis
This is a personal process of recognizing one’s own traits and behaviors that align with the characteristics of autism. Self-diagnosis can be facilitated by tests like Autism Spectrum Quotient and the RAADS–R, which are widely used and empirically validated.
Notably, self-diagnosis has a high rate of accuracy among individuals who later receive a formal diagnosis.
Both formal and self-diagnosis are valid options.
There are many reasons why someone might prefer one route over the other.
Why are many autistic women diagnosed later-in-life?
There are a few reasons why some women become aware of their autism later in life.
(1) Masking
Individuals socialized as women are expected to be more emotionally expressive, nurturing, and caregiving. To fit in socially, many autistic women become skilled at masking their autistic traits.
(2) Diagnostic Bias
Historically, autism diagnosis criteria were primarily developed based on male presentations, potentially overlooking female traits.
Autism can manifest differently in women, with traits being more subtle or “socially acceptable” than the stereotypical presentation. Additionally, identities like race, ethnicity, culture, gender, sexual orientation, age, and socioeconomic status can impact how one experiences and expresses their autistic traits.
People often assume that someone “can’t be autistic” if they exhibit certain behaviors or personality traits, not realizing that autism presents differently in each individual.
Sound familiar? “She can’t possibly be autistic. She just smiled / laughed / told a joke / made eye contact / went to a party!”
The lack of awareness about autism in women contributes to delayed recognition and diagnosis.
(3) Co-occurring Conditions
Autistic women may experience other mental health conditions like anxiety, depression, PTSD, or complex trauma, which can overshadow autistic traits.
—>> To learn more about complex trauma, check out this blog post: What Your Bones Know | How to Heal Complex Trauma & CPTSD
What are some common experiences of late-diagnosed autistic women?
(1) Sensory Sensitivities
Autistic people often experience heightened sensory sensitivity, which can make everyday experiences overwhelming. Sounds may be perceived as too loud, lights too bright, textures too rough, and tastes too intense.
EXAMPLES
cutting the tags off your shirts because the tag texture is unbearable
“I can’t hear you, the light is too bright” (when overstimulation in one sense, sight, impacts processing through another sense, hearing)
(2) High-Masking Behaviors
Many autistic women rely on a lifelong strategy of hiding autistic traits to fit in, a process referred to as “masking.”
While masking can be helpful in navigating social situations, it can also feel draining, inauthentic, and confusing – like trying to speak a language that you don’t actually understand.
Over time, too much masking can contribute to autistic burnout and physical health challenges.
EXAMPLES
consciously or unconsciously mimicking neurotypical behaviors, such as making eye contact or following scripts for small talk (“I’m good, how are you”?)
forcing animated expressions of excitement around the holidays (or any big event), because everyone seems to expect that of you
pretending to be interested in topics of conversation that don’t genuinely interest you
overcompensating for social awkwardness/confusion by forcing laughter and smiles, even if you didn’t understand the joke
hiding sensory sensitivities by pretending to be calm and collected in overwhelming environments, even though you’d rather exit the situation entirely
(3) Subtle Stimming
Many autistic folks engage in self-stimulatory behaviors, such as repetitive movements and sounds, to bring comfort and focus to their nervous systems. This process is called “stimming.”
Many autistic women tend to stim discreetly, in order to manage their sensory needs without drawing unwanted attention.
As autistic folks become more comfortable with unmasking and embracing their autistic traits, the way they stim may shift – from solely subtle and “invisible” stims, to more visible behaviors.
EXAMPLES
twirling hair
tapping feet
picking at skin or cuticles
repeating words or phrases
rocking or swaying
humming or singing softly
clicking pens
listening to the same song on repeat
biting nails or lips
(4) Labeled as Quiet & Shy
Growing up, many autistic kids socialized as girls may have been labeled as “quiet,” “shy,” “sensitive,” or “in her own world.” As adults, they may be labelled as “introverts.”
While these may be accurate descriptions, they may not capture the full picture of what’s happening underneath “quiet” and “shy” – sensory sensitivities, a brain that’s overstimulated with information, or simply a lack of interest in neurotypical social activities and a desire to enjoy one’s own company.
(5) Always Feeling Different
Many people spend years trying to understand why they don’t quite fit the mold, before realizing that they’re autistic. They may struggle to connect with neurotypical peers due to differences in communication styles, social cues, and interests.
In a neurotypical world designed for neurotypical people, many autistic folks, of all genders, struggle with feelings of inadequacy, shame, and low self-esteem.
EXAMPLES:
teasing, bullying, or exclusion by peers for being “weird”, “different,” or “too sensitive”
creating rich internal worlds to escape the challenges of the external world
feeling alone and disconnected from others, even when surrounded by people
(6) Special Interests that Went Unnoticed in Childhood
Autistic people often have deep, intense interests that provide a sense of purpose, joy, comfort, and stimulation. These special interests can range from a specific topic, like history or science, to a hobby, like art or music.
Late-diagnosed autistic women may have always had intense passions for particular subjects, spending countless hours researching, collecting information, and sharing their knowledge with others. Post-diagnosis, it may make more sense why their brains become deeply interested in this way.
As girls, these deep interests might have been perceived as “typical” interests, especially if centered around stereotypical female behaviors, like an interest in dolls, flowers, horses, etc. However, the intensity and focus with which autistic girls pursued these interests may have differed from neurotypical peers.
IN SUMMARY…
These are 6 common experiences of late-diagnosed autistic women. Many of these experiences apply to autistic folks of all genders, as well.
Sensory sensitivities
High-masking behaviors
Subtle stimming behaviors
Labeled as quiet & shy
Always feeling different
Special interests that went unnoticed in childhood
Looking for a neurodiversity-affirming, autistic therapist who can support you through unmasking & trauma healing?
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About the Author
Liz Zhou is holistic trauma therapist providing therapy services in Colorado. She helps highly sensitive, neurodivergent adults and couples heal from the past and connect with their authentic selves. Liz’s specialties include EMDR, IFS, Brainspotting, psychedelic integration, and trauma therapy intensives for individuals and couples.
